In January of this year (2017), with a collection of incomplete works piled up in my task list, I began writing yet another book. This one was to be a cathartic process coming to terms with what I can only call a form of mental depression, and a way forward curing or at least living in relative peace with it. My end goal is to complete a book that will describe what it is like to live with an invisible demon to people who have not experienced the hardship and loneliness of depression, while also, hopefully, paving a path for those who do experience it to find a way forward that allows them a modicum of peace.
Since I’ve embarked on this journey, I have made tremendous strides toward that reality for myself.
I still have my moments but they are growing shorter and shorter. I experienced an episode yesterday, for example, and was still mostly able to function in the world, and, this morning, am able to write this post with little self-pity or anger, which has been my previous default state. There is still a loneliness that I experience in these episodes. From my counseling days and discussions with friends, this is a common feel. I want people to know that as lonely as you may feel, you aren’t the only ones. It’s difficult to accept in the moment, I know, but if you can hold on to the thought that there are people who care, you’ll be able to at least pull through to another sunrise.
Here’s a sample chapter from my book expressing an episode. I hope to share more on a regular basis with you.
My disclaimer (because every writer deserves a disclaimer): this is still an early draft and may, in time, change greatly or disappear completely. For the purposes and context of this book, I refer to my ailment as the darkness.