I disappoint You, You disappoint Me

My night was froth with dreams of disappointment. While I can’t remember the details now that I’m awake, I have the sense that every dream had a different scenario. Yet the theme was the same; I’d disappointed someone or myself.

This was a topic that came up yesterday. I have a tendency to try to please certain people, particularly family. It seems odd because in a lot of my life, I am very good at doing my own thing and not bothering what others think. It’s mostly with family that this tactic doesn’t work. Even when I do hold true to my own way, I feel a guilt for not conforming. A guilt for disappointing the other’s expectation of me.

A theme that has been brought to the surface quite strongly these past months, it’s obviously time to face and deal with it once and for all.

We open our Ka Huna trainings with a ritual introduction and sharing. Brenda shared an article written by the amazingly jovial Sark, entitled Do Everything Badly, In her article, Sark explains how her perfectionist nature caused her a bit of stress until she realised that she didn’t always have to live up to this standard. So she promised her brother she’d organise something for his wedding and failed to deliver. She lay down in a bank queue. She sang in the DMC. She did a number of big and small things that weren’t the status quo and certainly not up to societal standards.

She is a grand inspiration that I can certainly learn a lot from. My dreams left me feeling very low and upset but upon reflection on what we’d previously spoken about on the topic, I have since moved to a relatively lighter place. We can’t always operate at level 10, or even 9.5.

Sometimes, and more often than we allow, we need to gear back to a 5 or even a 4. Afterall, burn out is not always a fun game to play.