I Chose The Wrong Story Lock

The Hawaiian Dance
14 Jun 2011
Return to Bazley
15 Jun 2011

Beginning in my childhood, I’d got the idea that there wasn’t enough time in my life. The first notion of this was, when I was between the ages of four and six, watching a tv program on Nostra Darmis’s prediction of the end of the world. The program predicted a third world war originating in the middle east, ending the planet as we know it by the year 1999. My young self took this to heart and aligned my choices according to this notion.

Even though I later pooh-poohed the idea of our planet ending in this manner, my unconscious child self had already locked this belief. And every future world-ending prediction simply added weight to this idea, no matter how much my conscious self rejected it.

This hidden belief revealed itself in a workshop that I did with my friend, Jo Hazelhurst, last year. I felt that I was running out of time, there wasn’t much time left to do all the things I wanted to do. Interestingly, this idea fuelled my suicidal tendencies and lack of follow-through. The general idea seemed to be: If I didn’t have the time to do everything, why bother doing anything.

Despite discovering this unconscious belief almost a year ago, it’s only now that I’ve finally shifted it out of my awareness. I notice that my goals now don’t have a limited time period in which to achieve them. Previously, my deadlines were ludicrously short because of the underlying idea that I didn’t have any longer. Naturally, having short deadlines was another factor in many of my goals not being met. Many times, I extended the deadlines. More often, the goals were put into the un-achievable pile.

Logic falls short in these situations. Despite the fact that the world and my life has failed to end, and goals that were scheduled ten years ago have not been achieved more because of lack of focus than lack of time, my time-lock belief continued to undermine me. With the awareness brought about in Jo’s FreshStart workshop, and some tools that I’ve come in recently, I have finally adjusted my storylock, and, in a sense, removed it entirely. My life at this point is not, as I presumed, timelocked, and that frees me up to re-evalute some of those goals, giving them fresh and more realistic deadlines.