When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
I was going through some of my writings with a friend in the last week and she identified that in many ways I have not grown up, particularly in relation to my ideas on romance, which is one of the predominant contributors to my depressive periods. This was new to me.
Well, not entirely new. I’ve had similar pointed out before, just more directly, which puts me on the defensive and I shut down and stop listening and feel attacked and retreat into my safe world where marshmallows grow in abundance. What was different this time was that my friend was referring to the character that I had written which was based on my current self, and I suppose because it was more third party referring, I could better see, “oh my, I’ve really not grown up in three decades!”
Perhaps, also, I’m just at the stage in my life where I realise I’m chasing pipedreams and I’m ready to say, “that’s it. I’m done.”
I’m done trying to achieve fantasies born in a pre-teen mind. So that Bible quote above reverberated with me today; it is time to leave childish things behind.
There’s no reason to throw away what still serves us. We are all children of somebody until we die of old age. So let’s clarify here: I will still play with my toy swords, but evolve ideas and attitudes.
Onwards, child-like warrior!